Hey — It’s Toffer.
I lost a friend.
Actually, I don’t think she considered me as a friend. But we fought like how some friends do and just decided not to resolve it.
She died a few days ago.
Estimated read time: 2 minutes
Admiration & Aspiration
It was college days in Fine Arts and I was seated next to the famous gifted-child. Her drawing skills were superior but my aspirations were greater so I did not give her the benefit of admiration — a limiting belief I still struggle to this day.
It wasn’t just her skills. Her ideals and principles, at a young age, were remarkably intact. I remember sharing offensive jokes and she didn’t hesitate to put me in my place. She was a freshman with a self-authoring mind.
I heard stories like how she painted and finished a piece every single day. Stories of practice. Stories of persistence. They were all true. She was our Harry Potter. But because she was famous, I kept looking for issues — her youth, maybe her taste, maybe her lack of brilliance. I didn’t want to be friends with her because she was too good to be true.
Regret & Time
Sayang — a versatile term in Filipino language that is used to express a range of emotions, including regret, longing, disappointment, sympathy, and emotional expression.
Ironically, the root word of sayang is saya which means happiness or joy. This contrast highlights the emotional depth and complexity of the Filipino language, and perhaps what I am feeling right now.
I wanted to do something but science says traveling in time is but a possibility and only to the future. So I took the alternative — I prayed.
I prayed my regret. I prayed for mercy. I prayed for happiness. Your happiness.
I hope you’re in a happy place.
Your Friend in Time,
Toffer