Hey—It’s Toffer.
I caught myself fake-listening again.
Not the obvious kind. I was nodding, making all the right noises—“Mmm, yeah. Interesting. Huh.”—but inside? Gone. Left the chat. I had already decided I knew what they were trying to say. Maybe even knew it better.
Which is impressive, considering they were still talking.
Estimated read time: 3 minutes
That’s the moment it happens. The quiet arrogance. The soft shutdown. Not because I’m mean or lazy—but because some sneaky part of my brain whispers, I’ve heard this before.
And just like that, I stop learning.
It’s not dramatic. No alarms.
I just slowly, subtly, start dancing with my own ego.
It’s a weird thing, isn’t it?
You work so hard to get good at something—and then getting good becomes the thing that stops you from getting better.
You know what to do. You’ve got the tools. The frameworks. The morning routine. That habit tracker with three weeks of ghosted boxes.
And while that might look like growth… it often feels like a loop.
Same groove. No lift.
Here’s what I’ve realized:
The best things I’ve learned lately have come from moments I didn’t try to dominate.
Moments when I asked instead of advised.
When I let myself be a little dumb.
When I moved before I understood everything.
You know that feeling?
That light, weird, zingy sensation in your body when something clicks—not in your head, but in your spine?
That’s the signal.
That’s what I’m chasing now.
Not the plan. Not the polish.
The electric yes that comes when you’re actually alive in the moment.
Productivity, for me, used to mean structure. Control. Grip.
Now? It’s rhythm.
I don’t want my systems to feel tight. I want them to feel like a good song.
The kind where my body moves before your brain catches up.
The kind where I’m not performing—I’m just… in it.
I don’t have to know the steps.
I just have to not freeze.
That’s the work now.
Not pretending to know everything.
Not polishing what’s already done.
Just showing up with curiosity, catching the beat, and moving with it.
Even if I trip a little.
Especially if I trip a little.
Your Friend in Time,
Toffer
You've got it figured. Listening is our superpower, but authentic listening is a lot more difficult than it may seem 🙏