Hey — It’s Toffer.
I need to talk to you. Who, me? Yes, you.
Estimated read time: 5 minutes
After looking at your calendar for the nth time, I noticed something's off. You've been prioritizing things in the wrong order:
Work dominates your schedule.
Relationships fill in the gaps.
You get what's left over.
You forgot the most important rule: start with yourself.
But I have obligations, and work pays the bills.
Not if it gets you sick.
Fine, it’s probably just the late night scrolling and early morning Sausage McMuffins.
No, it's everything.
Let's revisit Nir Eyal's circles of Life Domains1 to make sense of it all:
Remember, it all starts with…
You
You have to make time for yourself to:
Rest enough
Get bored enough
Do what nurtures your soul
Time hacks:
— Focus on the inputs.
— Take pressure off the outputs.
— Time-box your days and weeks to make time.
By making time for yourself, you can bring your best self to...
Your Relationships
You need strong relationships with your wife and friends because science says so2:
So you better make time for it.
Time hacks:
— Quality time blocks with your kids
— Dates every week with your wife
— Meeting other couples for lunch every month
These types of regularized activities create the basis for you to bring your best self to...
Your Work
I know you constantly feel pressure:
To respond to messages outside of work hours
To maintain an Inbox zero for other's agendas
To be hyper responsive on chat and text
But these work-related distractions ultimately compromise the quality of time you have for yourself and your relationships.
An email during scheduled family time is exactly that — a distraction.
So the key?
Right-size the amount of work and produce high quality without compromising your personal time.
Schedule your work and provide transparency to anyone affected. Remember, communication is key.
That's how you should make time for all three circles that matter, in the right order.
Agreed.
Your Friend in Time,
Toffer (a.ka. Tyler Durden)
The three life domains - you, relationships, and work - is from Nir Eyal's book "Indistractable: How to Control Your Attention and Choose Your Life”
The Harvard Study of Adult Development, an 85-year longitudinal study, has shown that close relationships, more than money or fame, are what keep people happy throughout their lives. The study found that "those ties protect people from life's discontents, help to delay mental and physical decline, and are better predictors of long and happy lives than social class, IQ, or even genes."
People who were the most satisfied in their relationships at age 50 were the healthiest at age 80. Marital satisfaction has a protective effect on people's mental health.
Those who kept warm relationships got to live longer and happier, while the loners often died earlier. "Loneliness kills," the researchers said, "It's as powerful as smoking or alcoholism."
A study published in the Journal of Socio-Economics found that your relationships are worth more than $100,000 a year in income.